HOW ALCOHOL DESTROYED MY LIFE

Many of us have terrible "alcoholic stories": cases from the lives of friends, neighbors, distant relatives, when drinking alcohol led to tragedy. My classmate in the country burned his father alive. At another - brother got drunk behind the wheel and crashed to death.

Image: Fragment of Vincent Van Gogh's “Drunkard” 1890. Oil on canvas. 59.4 x 73.4 cm. Chicago Art Institute, USA
Today I ask questionslisiy_ml- a person who went through the horrors of delirium tremens, lost his profession and changed many places of work. As a result, he was diagnosed with a third degree alcoholism. Now he has coded once again and is struggling with his addiction.
kibernetika: Do you remember how alcohol first appeared in your life when you were a teenager? Did you see him on the table, did you have associations with the holiday? The folk healer V. Zhdanov at his lectures tells a lot about the fact that G. A, Shichko (Soviet physiologist, Ph.D. in Biology) statedthat in childhood we have laid the wrong attitude to alcohol as an integral part of the holiday, an attribute of “adulthood”.
Sergey Chernyshov: It all happened differently. At school I was an exemplary boy, I was not at all attracted to smoke and drink. I did not see in the alcohol attribute of adulthood or a holiday, I was not interested. Yes, most wanted to drink, but I did not. I read a lot and one of my idols was Jacques-Yves Cousteau. I later graduated from the Faculty of Culture and Arts. Alcohol was first tried at 17 years old as a freshman at a pedagogical university. By the fifth course I drank almost every day. My friends, who tried alcohol early (some at 14, some at 15), quickly got sick with this nonsense and took hold of my head, my studies and career, and I was just starting my belated alkomarafon. My parents always had alcohol on the tables and I knew where they were holding him, but as a teenager I was absolutely indifferent to him. Later, my father became addicted, and my mother, fortunately, was fine. When my parents divorced, my father began to drink a lot (and now he drinks near Astrakhan). I had a predisposition, but my own sister does not drink at all.Even on big holidays, such as the New Year or Victory Day. The important point is that I did not have a headache from a hangover, and even now it does not hurt. Much later, when 2nd was diagnosed, and then 3rd stage of alcoholism was very bad, but my head still did not hurt.
kibernetika: Do you think that the fact that you did not have a powerful reaction of the body after intoxication influenced your life? A former colleague with whom we worked together at a defense company told me a case. In her hometown, Khotkovo, there lived a man without both legs, a bitter drunkard. He had no hangover syndrome completely. He is drunk in the winter fell on the street and froze. Frozen feet and then surgeons removed.
S.CH: Yes, I think it changed a lot. There was no hangover - the body did not signal how far I had come, how bad it was. This, by the way, also concerns drug addicts. But surely, everyone is told - once you try a drug and become a drug addict, it will be breaking, but in fact absolutely every person does not become a drug addict after a single dose of heroin. Once tried - everything is OK. It has passed. He thinks that everything will continue to be fine, but a drug addiction first develops psychologically and then goes physical.
"The bottle sucks you, it's true."
kibernetika: And with what dose it all started? By how many cans of beer, for example, did you drink regularly? Or were they small quantities of spirits?
S.C.: At first, like everyone else, one bottle of beer. I remember it was familiar to many of the scenes from the cult Soviet films, Zhigulevskoe. After such libations, I was already very drunk. They say that beer alcoholism is the hardest. I learned from my own experience that beer is not a harmless low-alcohol beverage, as some people think. First, 1-2 bottles, then one and a half, then 2.25 and 2.5 liters. Every time you had to drink more and more to get drunk. Then he began to drink vodka, wine, brandy, etc., to mix. My friends suffered from a hangover, and I was pleased that I was lucky ... How wrong I was then.
kibernetika: When you drink several liters of beer regularly, does it change the perception of the world and consciousness? Calm perceived life troubles and problems? In the fifth year, when you became constantly drunk, did you feel that something was missing?
S.CH.: When there was no money at all, I drank everything that was cheaper, just to forget. "Hunt" strong, "Nine."He took the cheapest wine for 60-70 rubles, which they sell in paper packs. In the fifth year I still did not feel, after moving to Moscow I felt strongly (when the plant went bankrupt and I stayed out of work, I drank from morning to night). Perception is still changing. Alcohol is so tightly entered into your life that you think as if on the arm with him and about him, he becomes a part of you. As the hero of the film “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” said, “the bottle sucks you out.”I met women on the Internet and always invited them to a date in a restaurant. Not because I'm so generous and so accepted, and there will be an excuse to get drunk.For me, often a factor in choosing a cafe was that there, for example, a second jug of wine was brought, if you won a bone and I won a couple of times, and if you did not win, then this is an excuse to buy it ... I watch a movie or read a book - the main character is very bad, some kind of trouble according to the scenario and I caught myself thinking “well, that he was so upset, he would drink, calm down” or “I would have sweated in his place with grief or joy” i. it just happened. I even dressing thought about where I put the flask. It became part of me. Once I fell asleep on Vykhino-Ramenskoye bus and drove back and forth,I woke up in a car park, and the driver, who found me, apologized for not waking me up, instead of giving me a good deal on my neck.
kibernetika: That is, alcohol, as well as drugs, very quickly become what is more important than sex, relationships, careers?
S.C.: Yes, yes, yes ... And he becomes part of sex. Its integral part. And more important career, of course. You will not believe, I changed many places of work due to the fact that I was leaving for a hard drinking. A month or two and worked in a week or a monthly binge until the money runs out. I get laid off and I go to another place. So I drank since 2009, that even a drunk man fell asleep on the street and in the trains.
From art to drunken drunkard
kibernetika: But they were originally a teacher of art history? At least by profession?
S.C.A: Yes, it was half a year right after the university. But then, after work, I didn’t make a lot of calds, many liters and a half or two beers. He worked on the stock exchange with varying success, a couple of times drunk sat down to trade and 2 times completely merged the account. Now I'm drunk, I will never trade.
kibernetika: Do you believe that the use of alcohol and drugs is somehow connected with the psychology of the creative personality and the perception of reality? It is said that many famous writers were drunken alcoholics.Hemingway even invented his own cocktail "Death at Noon" (after the title of the same name nonfiction book). Kerouac, Bukowski, Tennessee Williams, Edgar Poe, Hunter Thompson - the list is quite large ... And Burroughs and Irwin Welsh - it's hard to believe that someone is able to write like that without their own experience. Nevertheless, if we linked the personality of the writer with his works and did not give a move to authors with a dubious reputation and lifestyle, then our libraries and cinema halls would be empty ...
S.C.A: Yes, I suppose so. But in works of art, books and films, everything is noble and beautiful, no one there urinates from the balcony and does not get into the police.
kibernetika: Then you are not familiar with the characters of the same Burroughs, Welsh, or even the Octave of Parango Frederick Begbeder ...
S.C.: Or they are so romanticized that even scary and unacceptable things seem timely and instructive.
"I drank hawthorn"
kibernetika: Do you regret that you were born in Russia, in fact, on the border with Finland, where, by the way, there are also a lot of alcoholics registered and there is no culture of drinking alcohol? In the same Italy and France they drink almost more, but there are very few people with addiction.In addition, Russians are desperate people, if you recall the recent tragedy with the “hawthorn”, which was used by mistake, confusing a cleansing agent with a medicinal tincture from a pharmacy. Antifreeze, hawthorn, denatrurat - than people just do not get poisoned. Do you have a fear that you too can cross the line one day?
S.C.: I am proud that I am Russian and do not believe that climate or cultural traditions are somehow related to this problem. I would not trade this country for anything, although I really love to travel. For example, I, of course, visited the neighboring Finland, which you mentioned, I liked in Sweden, the Netherlands, Germany, Lithuania, Latvia, I was in France and Belgium ... If something went wrong, then this is only my fault, and I will make every effort to fix it. By the way, I drank the same hawthorn! Hawthorn, valerian tincture and motherwort (not to be confused with pills, they are non-alcoholic) I drank many times this fall and summer. Such a terrible period, when all the money was drunk, and friends no longer lend to sleep and there was no hallucination. I drank first 4 bottles of valerian, then up to 6 pieces ...
kibernetika: That is, you have already crossed the line and walked around the edge.Tell us about acute alcoholic psychosis. He's been with you many times. It is true that it is accompanied by hallucinations: do people see monsters and devils, try to chase them away? It is said that the famous writer Edgar Poe had visions of devils and was taken to hospital during seizures.
Squirrel came
S.C.: For the first time I started hallucinations five years ago. It was the second sober day after a two-week bout. I had a terrible alarm, it is not clear what I was afraid of, but I was afraid of everything: people, pigeons on the street, shuddered at the noise outside the window. There was a state of panic attack, I sat down to drink tea and everything .... I woke up on the floor. When I came to my senses, the three of us were held by my mother, father and sister, and I woke up from my own cry and pain. My father was holding hands, my mother lay on me with her whole body, and my little sister was crying and holding her head, wiping her forehead with a wet rag. They were all very scared for me. It turns out that I drank tea, as if nothing had happened, jumped up from my chair and started to fight back from someone. A sharp pain brought me to my senses. I fell on my own torn unhealed wound (I fought a few days ago, jumped into cars drunk). When my parents told me what happened to me, I myself expressed a desire to encode.In December, when I was coded for the second time, it was preceded by delirium tremens with horrors, when I saw a white cat and a snake. But the worst was when I felt the presence of my dead grandfather. In life, he walked with a wand. And now I hear a “knock-knock”, grandfather knocking with a stick, as if he were alive walking around the apartment! I will not confuse this sound with anything!
kibernetika: The alcoholic himself can no longer stop in any way? Or you can not stop yourself only at the last stage? That is, the substances that are familiar to him cease to enter the body, a stressful situation for the body, and it simply does not stand up? During treatment, you need to continue to drink alcohol a little, so that there is no shock from the abrupt cancellation?
S.CH.: It is difficult for a person to control himself. In the summer, my mother brought me to her house and closed it in the apartment so that I would not drink, so I tied a rope out of the sheets and went down, and the neighbors called for a police outfit. Thought that the thief climbs. In addition, you need to be mentally and spiritually a very strong person and have a great desire to be cured, and not survive in the half-forgotten alcoholic. When we coded the father, wanting to help him, it did not help. He began to drink.The doctor, when she found out, clutched at her head: take it urgently to the hospital, he will die!
kibernetika: Do you feel that you have dropped out of society and life goes by? In our culture, alcohol is not only a ritual in order to celebrate a great feast at the table, but also as part of the religious tradition. Here you find yourself in the company of friends and ... people around you drink, but you can not. What do you feel? Not afraid that you will break?
S.C.: I've been to noisy drunk companies many times. Doctors advise to be sure to be where people drink, otherwise after treatment a person will not be able to control himself. Now I am calm and believe in my strength. My ex-bride tried to save me from booze. I was closing, just like my mother, in my own apartment, and I was running through the balcony for alcohol. She hid the money, and they gave me a loan in the store ... I exhausted her, but she bothered with me to the last and helped me a lot. Alcohol destroyed a certain period of my life, helped me to go down below the baseboard. I can not say unequivocally that alcohol has destroyed my whole life, because I still have time ahead.He destroyed part of life - yes, the best years. About 15 years.

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