How to stop envy and live your life

How to stop envy and live your life

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About the feeling of envy is not to say. And not only to speak, but also to accept his presence in oneself or the fact that at least once in our life we ​​were jealous of someone. This is due to the social framework and norms of behavior in society, where envy is perceived as a shameful and unworthy feeling. To envy is to be a bad person, unworthy. But is it really?

Psychology does not divide feelings into bad and good, acceptable and unacceptable, into those that can be experienced and those that cannot. There is a feeling, it means a fact. Not more, but not less. Any feeling is a reaction of the human psyche to the surrounding reality.

  • If reality is friendly, then feelings of joy, euphoria, tenderness, etc. arise.
  • If reality is hostile towards a person, then anger, anxiety, fear, anger or envy appear.

By reality is meant not only natural conditions, but also social factors that in one way or another affect a person.Envy is a social feeling, and it arises solely in the social environment and the presence of interaction between people.

We do not envy animals or nature, but only people and what they have. Therefore, envy is not bad and not good, it is the result of our perception of other people.
Then why envy causes so much anxiety?

The feeling of envy appears when the other has something that I don’t have. Or he is satisfied in the area in which I am not satisfied. Envy is a kind of indicator of my well-being. If everything is good and everything is enough for me, then when compared with others, feelings of envy do not arise. If somewhere there is a shortage of something, then I envy those who have no shortage.

The fact is that the realities of life are such that it is almost impossible to get rid of a shortage or shortage of something. This is life and we will always miss something. But for some people, such a lack is not a tragedy and not a catastrophe, but for others - a reason to fall into despondency and envy. Why?

Envy can be constructive and destructive.

  • Constructive envy implies an analysis of its own deficit and actions to eliminate it.
  • Destructive envy is when I realize my shortage, but I don’t do anything to solve the problem, except I feel black envy towards those who are doing well.

So is it possible to get rid of jealousy and how to do it right?

Direct envy in a constructive way

The main task is not to suppress the feeling of envy, but to make the envy constructive. The suppression of feelings is fraught with serious consequences in the future. One can get rid of feeling in one way - having lived it to the end. By suppressing envy, you only drive it into the depths of your subconscious and once it comes out, which can be a big surprise for you and those around you.

  1. Determine what you specifically envy.
  2. Then think about how your life will change (and whether it will change) if you get what you want.
  3. If you get better, then make a plan of action to achieve the desired.
  4. Consider specific steps that you can take today and every day to get what you want. And do it.


Then your attention will be focused not on the envy of the other, but on your own actions, which bring you closer every day to your goal.
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Concentrate on the positive

Often, changing the focus of attention helps to get rid of envy. Yes, indeed, there are things that are currently unavailable to you. And it causes a feeling of anger and envy. Make a list of what you have, what you can be proud of and be grateful for. The list should be long.

Often, small failures or shortages overshadow many of the good things in our lives. Notice this and give thanks.2

The more you see the positive, the more opportunities to implement your plans you will notice.
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Share your feelings with others.

It is difficult for someone to say: “You know, I envy to this and that”. But you try it. This will require courage and strength from you, because only a strong person can admit his weaknesses. A psychologist is the person who will listen and not judge. He has such a job. After a high-quality consultation, you will feel better and easier, it will be easier for you to transform your envy into a constructive course and begin to act.

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Draw your envy

Modern art therapy methods offer a wide range of possibilities to overcomeany difficulties, including jealousy that prevents live.

  1. Take a sheet of large paper, A3 for example.
  2. Prepare watercolor paints.
  3. Start drawing your envy.
  4. Choose the colors that you like the most and most fully reflect your inner state. Figure should not be beautiful or holistically decorated. Your task is to relieve tension from envy.
  5. So as soon as you are relieved, stop drawing.


This exercise can be used not only with envy, but also with any other feeling that brings discomfort to your life.
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Get a pet.

Communication with animals gives strength and improves mood. If you are depressed or worried, pet the cat, it will relieve stress. Also, taking care of a dog or fish will help to distract from envy and bring other benefits. If there is no opportunity to get an animal, then surely you have friends or acquaintances who will be only happy if you walk their pet on the street or comb their wool.pug-690566_1280

Doing something good for others is a good way to transform your inner negative, work with it.


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